Re: Postel's Draft

[elvis@graceland.com]

At 2:09 PM -0500 1/1/97, Perry E. Metzger wrote:

> Marc Hurst writes:
> > Not only is this a sacriligous comment but it is insulting to claim this
> > internationaliztion exists when there are no members outside the United
> > States.
>
> Ah, you've caught on to our nefarious scheme! We've been claiming that
> many of the members of the IAHC don't live in the U.S., but that was
> of course just a front. For example, "Jun Murai" is not a real
> person. He's just an actor we hired. We got him, "Geoff Huston",
> "Robert Shaw", "Albert Tramposch", and "Hank Nussbacher" as a package
> deal from a rep theater company in Santa Cruz, California. They've
> been doing a really good job of pretending to be from outside the
> U.S. -- and they've been very competitive price wise. Although we have
> access to a large pool of money secretly maintained by the Grey Aliens
> via their "NSI" cover (the so-called $7million), it still pays to be
> economical. As you know, the Greys have been attempting for some time
> to get control of U.S. telecommunications infrastructure, and their
> work with certain former U.S. intelligence operatives via the "SAIC"
> organization (which they in fact secretly control) has yielded
> extraordinary benefits. Although this has alleviated some funding
> problems, the quantities expended in the course of the overarching
> worldwide conspiracy are always very large and budgets get tight.
>
> Just so you know, though, the $20,000 has nothing to do with the
> budget problems the Aliens are facing at all. The $20,000 business is
> in fact far more nefarious than any of you realize. The purpose isn't
> to get money, but to assure that accounting clerks at large internet
> service organizations be infected with the secret mind control virus
> we've created. The virus is mixed with DMSO and impregnated into the
> returned checks we will be sending back -- the DMSO acts to transport
> the virus through the skin. We need the accounting departments of
> these organizations to be fully under our power in order to assure
> that they will not notice the tremendous accounting discrepancies
> associated with the large numbers of high speed internet links
> secretly in use by the Council on Foreign Relations, another one of
> our fronts. Did you know, by the way, that Jon Postel is secretly in
> control of the CFR? The whole academic in birkenstocks thing is just a
> pose.
>
> By the way, several of the IAHC's members aren't even humans at all,
> although with the mimetic plastic bodysuits they wear it would be
> impossible for you to notice without careful examination.
>
> Now, of course, that you've blown our cover, we'll just have to
> dissolve ourselves and escape back to the mother ship. Clever seeing
> through our evil plan this time, but you won't be so lucky the next.
>
> Klatu Nemron of Zorgoth B, a.k.a "Perry Metzger"
> Speaking for myself, and not the Supreme Council of Interstellar Overlords.

Cool. Now we have a valid reason to kill you.